He Is Gone

Dear Journal,

In some ways April 21, 2009 seems like only yesterday. 

I do not cry as much, but my heart still hurts and it still longs for him to be here on earth with me. His smiles. His laughter. His intelligent ideas and help. I miss everything about him

He died the first time on July 7, 2006 from a medical mistake and they brought him back and then he became their medical genie pig for the next two and a half years. It was sad to see all that he went through and there was nothing I could do to stop what was happening.

He died in my arms shortly after his physical therapy, at our dinning room table. It was a blessing for him and a nightmare for me. Life for me changed instantly and I really did not feel like I was doing anything more than just breathing.

My daughter stepped in and pulled, tugged and dragged me into living again. I am now doing more than just breathing. Her and I started a coffee business, I took a few writing courses and we go on picnics and other activities together, with her wonderful husband and their four children. The youngest child was born one month after my husbands death, on my birthday. She is their only daughter and was a wonderful, unexpected birthday gift.

Now, I spend more time looking forward than backward in time.