Facing Reality

      At one time, I always started my journal with "Dear Journal". I did not have a name for it when I became an adult. While I was a child, I called my journals "Batz", because I thought of life's challenges, as bats coming out from a dark cave to disrupt my otherwise cheerful life. 

      I made many good life choices and always gave everything a lot of thought before I acted on it. I was blessed to have a almost perfect life with a wonderful husband who was he greatest friend I ever had, a fantastic daughter, a devoted son-in-law and four delightful grandchildren.  Life went by quickly and it was finally time to sit back and enjoy our later years. We planned on taking a few trips and enjoying our golden years without the endless schedules we had to meet for forty plus years. 

      Then life suddenly changed completely! My husband died unexpectedly at the age of 59. A medical mistake that left me a widow at the age of 51. I was devastated, lost and had no desire to do anything more than just breathe. I walked the floors, cried, went through photo albums, put on his favorite cologne and slept with his picture on the pillow next to me. I was a mess and began to lose weight while not being able to sleep the whole night through. 

      My daughter became very concerned and decided to move in with me, along with her little family. My home was larger than hers with three acres of yard for her children to play in and located in a secluded area without neighbors. I wasn't so happy about it at first. I had always been neat and tidy with my home and it was a quiet atmosphere. With four children moving in, I knew it would no longer be quiet and neat and tidy would be a thing of the past. "Smile"

      I never was into any crafts, but I did write within a journal all of my life. I have two bookcases filled with my journals, that I hope to leave to my granddaughter... someday. 

      My daughter tried to get me into sewing quilts, embroidering and several other hobbies, but none of them held my interest. I found, that I loved writing stories for my grandchildren by mistake! "Laughing"

      Grandparents were invited to the school and were asked to read a book about their grandchild. I had three grandchildren in that school and I did not want to leave one of them out, so I wrote my own story, which included all of them in it. It was about Robin Hood and to my surprise... everyone loved it. I have been writing them stories ever since that day and I enjoy writing them.

      A friend of mine, who lives in Germany, introduced me to mandalas. She paints them and felt I should give it a try. She did not tell me how peaceful they were to paint and how some of them put you within the spirit of God as well. My first one, I was able to put the past behind me and know God was right there with me as I took each step forward. Now, my grandchildren and myself have a mandala painting day together, each week and it has been a wonderful experience. 

      I am now doing more than just breathing. I write in my journals, I write fairy tales for my grandchildren, I paint mandalas, I read interesting books, I go for long walks and I have been able to stop all of the crying and hurt within my heart. 

      My home is no longer neat and tidy and it certainly isn't quiet. It is now filled with laughter and the clutter of being happy and really living. I would not trade it for anything in the world!